If you're gonna live in Jacksonville, you gotta have a fiddle in the band!
1. You must learn to say the city name correctly. It is referred to as "Jax".
2. You are either a Gator or a Nole. There are no other schools.
3. Forget the traffic rules you learned. No one pays attention to them here.Merging, yielding, and right-of-way are completely foreign terms.
4. To find anything in Jax it is required that you know where the Regency Mall is. It is the Alpha and the Omega; the beginning and theend.
5. Directions to anywhere may, and usually do, make a reference to "the old Pic and Save".
6. The morning rush hour is from 6am to 10am. The evening rush hour is from 3pm to 7pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
7. If you stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
8. East Rd. meets West Rd. on Beach Blvd, but they both run North and South.
9. Normandy Boulevard, State Road 228, Cecil Field Road, Maxville Road, and Post Street are all the same road.
10. Hartley Road, Shad Road, and Hood Road are all the same road. Hartley Road is the western part of the road, and Shad Road is the eastern part of the road. Now don't be confused about this Hood Road. This is the West-East part that is in between Hartley and Shad, not the North-South part that starts out as Old Kings Road South, changes into Hood Road South, and ends at Losco Road.
11. Construction is a permanent fixture in Jax. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving more exciting.
12. Watch for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, single shoes, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
13. The minimum acceptable speed on JTB is 75 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Jacksonville's version of NASCAR.
14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone, you areconsidered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
16. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. There are only two seasons: Summer and January.
19. There is a Westside high school that has a confederate flag as its schoolflag, an image of a slave plantation owner as its mascot, and Dixie as its school song. Just accept it.
20. Ponte Vedra is to Middleburg as oceanfront is to double-wide.
21. If you choose to live in Orange Park, or, God forbid, Middleburg, plan to leave for work at 4am and return home around 11pm. Otherwise you may get caught in what can only be described as "the world's longest left-turn lane".
22. Don't get here late and expect something to eat. After 9pm, your choices are Famous Amos and Village Inn.
23. You can buy a million-dollar condo downtown on the river, but you have to drive 10 miles for a loaf of bread, and never after dark.
24. The Landing is an interesting place. Every time you visit, there will be awhole new set of restaurants, fewer stores, and less parking. Hooters, however, is a permanent fixture.
25. All city council decisions must be signed off on by First Baptist Church.
26. You can't drink alcohol and see naked girls at the same time. But, if you agree to drink Diet Coke, you can see them fully nude.
27. North Philips highway. Don't go there. Unless you are looking for motels that charge by the hour.
28. Learn all of the lyrics to every Lynyrd Skynyrd song.
29. If you like southern-style barbecue, there's a restaurant on every corner. But they all close at 9pm.
30. Convenience stores are EVERYWHERE, unless you live in a million-dollar condo downtown...
2. You are either a Gator or a Nole. There are no other schools.
3. Forget the traffic rules you learned. No one pays attention to them here.Merging, yielding, and right-of-way are completely foreign terms.
4. To find anything in Jax it is required that you know where the Regency Mall is. It is the Alpha and the Omega; the beginning and theend.
5. Directions to anywhere may, and usually do, make a reference to "the old Pic and Save".
6. The morning rush hour is from 6am to 10am. The evening rush hour is from 3pm to 7pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
7. If you stop at a yellow light, you will be rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot.
8. East Rd. meets West Rd. on Beach Blvd, but they both run North and South.
9. Normandy Boulevard, State Road 228, Cecil Field Road, Maxville Road, and Post Street are all the same road.
10. Hartley Road, Shad Road, and Hood Road are all the same road. Hartley Road is the western part of the road, and Shad Road is the eastern part of the road. Now don't be confused about this Hood Road. This is the West-East part that is in between Hartley and Shad, not the North-South part that starts out as Old Kings Road South, changes into Hood Road South, and ends at Losco Road.
11. Construction is a permanent fixture in Jax. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving more exciting.
12. Watch for road hazards such as deer, skunks, dogs, barrels, cones, cows, horses, pot holes, cats, pieces of other cars, single shoes, truck tires, raccoons, squirrels, rabbits, crows or vultures feeding on any of these items.
13. The minimum acceptable speed on JTB is 75 mph. Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Jacksonville's version of NASCAR.
14. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously.
15. If you are in the left lane, and only going 70 in a 55 zone, you areconsidered a road hazard and will be "flipped off" accordingly.
16. Ground clearance of at least 12 inches is recommended for city driving.
17. If it's 100 degrees, Thanksgiving must be next weekend.
18. There are only two seasons: Summer and January.
19. There is a Westside high school that has a confederate flag as its schoolflag, an image of a slave plantation owner as its mascot, and Dixie as its school song. Just accept it.
20. Ponte Vedra is to Middleburg as oceanfront is to double-wide.
21. If you choose to live in Orange Park, or, God forbid, Middleburg, plan to leave for work at 4am and return home around 11pm. Otherwise you may get caught in what can only be described as "the world's longest left-turn lane".
22. Don't get here late and expect something to eat. After 9pm, your choices are Famous Amos and Village Inn.
23. You can buy a million-dollar condo downtown on the river, but you have to drive 10 miles for a loaf of bread, and never after dark.
24. The Landing is an interesting place. Every time you visit, there will be awhole new set of restaurants, fewer stores, and less parking. Hooters, however, is a permanent fixture.
25. All city council decisions must be signed off on by First Baptist Church.
26. You can't drink alcohol and see naked girls at the same time. But, if you agree to drink Diet Coke, you can see them fully nude.
27. North Philips highway. Don't go there. Unless you are looking for motels that charge by the hour.
28. Learn all of the lyrics to every Lynyrd Skynyrd song.
29. If you like southern-style barbecue, there's a restaurant on every corner. But they all close at 9pm.
30. Convenience stores are EVERYWHERE, unless you live in a million-dollar condo downtown...
posted by wmjwatson at 4:46 AM
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