Shit that gets in my way
Most people who know me have heard me rant at one time or another about shit that gets in my way. I hate it. It's annoying. I can tolerate it when there's no real choice, sure, but when there's no sense to the obstruction it seriously pisses me off.
Like a slow car (meaning 'doing speed limit') on a crowded two lane road is one thing and I can deal with it for a short time ut someone in the fast lane on I295 and wanting ME to change lanes to pass them... THAT is bullshit.
Old people in the mall.
Children in the mall.
Anyone else in the mall.
Or at an amusement park.
The guy who wants to hold the elevator door open for someone over 100 feet away from the damn thing while I'm running late to work.
Or even when I'm running early.
I hate rush hour traffic and I hate stupid crowds. Traffic makes no sense and I have discussed that before. Crowds just annoy me. Leave enough room so those people who know where the hell they're going can get by, damn it!
But my issue with things in my way don't simply revolve around wnating to get someplace. Over the past decade I have come to learn just how much of a pet peeve the concept is for me.
Let's run down the list, mm-kay?
Piercings:
I love flesh and when I've with a woman I love being able to kiss (and more) all over. Unfettered access to all the good fleshy bits.
I am a belly nut... love me some belly. Belly button piercings are a cruel invention designed to hurt the tongue and lip!
The same is true of clit piercings. The lower lips is just as annoying but when it's right on the hood... man, oes that get in the way of some fun oral. Yes, I know it's for HER pleasure but, dammit, it's in MY way! And given my natural playfulness, the "clacka clacka" sounds of the metal on my teeth put me in a playing mood that goes against the whole point of me being down there.
Lip rings ruin some otherwise good kissing.
Tongue studs don't necessarily get in my way but they CAN be annoying. Makes french kissing feel like navigating a maze.
I've learned to accept ear piercings though I get VERY excited anytime the things come out. LOBE TIME!!!
I just don't understand eyebrow piercings but they're out of the way so meh... no reason to talk about them here.
Clothes:
I only mean clothes during sex. Women who feel the need to remain fully clothed while in the privacy of the bedroom, even when the lights are OFF... I mean, what the hell is up with that? I can understand a good old fashioned heat of the moment, just pulling the panties to the side kind of deal but EVERY DAMN TIME?!?! "Um, can the bra and shirt come completely OFF this time?"
Sexy clothes are fine during the run up and foreplay time but nekkid sex is the best! Unless out in public then discretion is fine.
Clothes just get in my way of fully appreciating who I am with and enjoy the feel of the fleshy bits.
Interlude:
I just want it stated that I am NOT some Buffalo Bill type of sicko. When I say I love flesh I just mean I enjoy the texture and feel and taste of it. Especially when you use several different sources to make the perfect sweater vest. Kidding. I just enjoy the intimacy that exposed flesh allows.
And yes, I know this is a rather sexual blog... but that was the nature of the request and I am trying to stick to that.
Tattoos:
There is nothing worse than when a woman abuses her beautiful skin by marking it up with god awful colors and designs. Wow, you REALLY think that dumbass butterfly makes your hip look better? Ivy brings out the color of your shoulder, huh? A pixie on your ankle makes you feel pretty?
Bullshit!
Just like make up NOT being used to cover complexion issues or scars, tats do NOTHING to improve upon the beauty of a woman. You are all fine as you WERE and it's jarring to be taking a tour of you and suddenly come across some celtic symbol that SUPPOSEDLY stands for "purity" or some other such nonsense. It's like a commercial during the good part of a movie. They just get in my way of enjoying you. BAH!
Threesomes or moresomes:
I have really no interest in threesomes or orgies or anything like that. I really do enjoy the one-on-one stuff. Why? One word - FOCUS. I like to be able to really know who I'm with and I try to use all the verbal and non-verbal cues I can to do this. Just as lying and faking something gets in the way of me being able to do that, so too would another person. Even if I knew the two women VERY wellafter one-on-one time(s)... or the other guy was a buddy who I could trust... I just know at some point I am going to want to shift position and run smack into someone's ass or something. I should only need to "ask" for persmission from one person and not have to negotiate the troop movements by committee vote. And i sure don't need for an otherwise intensely sexual moment to turn into a pushing match while I scream out "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, WOMAN!"
Seems like a mood killer.
Ok, I need to get ready for the movie so I need to wrap this up here. If i didn't cover everything, please let me know and I'll get back to it either by editing or in the comments.
Everyone have a happy easter!
Like a slow car (meaning 'doing speed limit') on a crowded two lane road is one thing and I can deal with it for a short time ut someone in the fast lane on I295 and wanting ME to change lanes to pass them... THAT is bullshit.
Old people in the mall.
Children in the mall.
Anyone else in the mall.
Or at an amusement park.
The guy who wants to hold the elevator door open for someone over 100 feet away from the damn thing while I'm running late to work.
Or even when I'm running early.
I hate rush hour traffic and I hate stupid crowds. Traffic makes no sense and I have discussed that before. Crowds just annoy me. Leave enough room so those people who know where the hell they're going can get by, damn it!
But my issue with things in my way don't simply revolve around wnating to get someplace. Over the past decade I have come to learn just how much of a pet peeve the concept is for me.
Let's run down the list, mm-kay?
Piercings:
I love flesh and when I've with a woman I love being able to kiss (and more) all over. Unfettered access to all the good fleshy bits.
I am a belly nut... love me some belly. Belly button piercings are a cruel invention designed to hurt the tongue and lip!
The same is true of clit piercings. The lower lips is just as annoying but when it's right on the hood... man, oes that get in the way of some fun oral. Yes, I know it's for HER pleasure but, dammit, it's in MY way! And given my natural playfulness, the "clacka clacka" sounds of the metal on my teeth put me in a playing mood that goes against the whole point of me being down there.
Lip rings ruin some otherwise good kissing.
Tongue studs don't necessarily get in my way but they CAN be annoying. Makes french kissing feel like navigating a maze.
I've learned to accept ear piercings though I get VERY excited anytime the things come out. LOBE TIME!!!
I just don't understand eyebrow piercings but they're out of the way so meh... no reason to talk about them here.
Clothes:
I only mean clothes during sex. Women who feel the need to remain fully clothed while in the privacy of the bedroom, even when the lights are OFF... I mean, what the hell is up with that? I can understand a good old fashioned heat of the moment, just pulling the panties to the side kind of deal but EVERY DAMN TIME?!?! "Um, can the bra and shirt come completely OFF this time?"
Sexy clothes are fine during the run up and foreplay time but nekkid sex is the best! Unless out in public then discretion is fine.
Clothes just get in my way of fully appreciating who I am with and enjoy the feel of the fleshy bits.
Interlude:
I just want it stated that I am NOT some Buffalo Bill type of sicko. When I say I love flesh I just mean I enjoy the texture and feel and taste of it. Especially when you use several different sources to make the perfect sweater vest. Kidding. I just enjoy the intimacy that exposed flesh allows.
And yes, I know this is a rather sexual blog... but that was the nature of the request and I am trying to stick to that.
Tattoos:
There is nothing worse than when a woman abuses her beautiful skin by marking it up with god awful colors and designs. Wow, you REALLY think that dumbass butterfly makes your hip look better? Ivy brings out the color of your shoulder, huh? A pixie on your ankle makes you feel pretty?
Bullshit!
Just like make up NOT being used to cover complexion issues or scars, tats do NOTHING to improve upon the beauty of a woman. You are all fine as you WERE and it's jarring to be taking a tour of you and suddenly come across some celtic symbol that SUPPOSEDLY stands for "purity" or some other such nonsense. It's like a commercial during the good part of a movie. They just get in my way of enjoying you. BAH!
Threesomes or moresomes:
I have really no interest in threesomes or orgies or anything like that. I really do enjoy the one-on-one stuff. Why? One word - FOCUS. I like to be able to really know who I'm with and I try to use all the verbal and non-verbal cues I can to do this. Just as lying and faking something gets in the way of me being able to do that, so too would another person. Even if I knew the two women VERY wellafter one-on-one time(s)... or the other guy was a buddy who I could trust... I just know at some point I am going to want to shift position and run smack into someone's ass or something. I should only need to "ask" for persmission from one person and not have to negotiate the troop movements by committee vote. And i sure don't need for an otherwise intensely sexual moment to turn into a pushing match while I scream out "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY, WOMAN!"
Seems like a mood killer.
Ok, I need to get ready for the movie so I need to wrap this up here. If i didn't cover everything, please let me know and I'll get back to it either by editing or in the comments.
Everyone have a happy easter!
posted by wmjwatson at 12:47 PM
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