Random BS... please help

Ok, I'm just too damn tired to write a lot. This, of course, means I probably will.

It's been a long week which is odd considering I only work three days. But it was Tuesday thru Thursday so I also worked Tuesday and Thursday night AND went out until much too late on Wednesday. I have gotten little to no sleep and am exhausted. So why am I sitting here typing this crap? Hmmmm. Let's find out together!!

I was supposed to go to a friend's party tomorrow night and I suppose I will still go but it won't be as much fun as it was going to be. No offense meant to the hostess but I had much higher hopes for Friday evening than what could possibly come. I was supposed to get together with a new friend. We've hung out a couple of times so it was still relatively exciting getting to know the person and all that. Sure, it means you learn bad or not-so-thriling things but you also learn fun stuff. Sadly, after these plans being in existence for about a week and a half, I was told last night she made other plans. I've told her I'm not mad, and I'm really not. Disappointed, certainly. Frustrated, without a doubt. Mildly irked, you betcha. But not mad. I was expecting this. A part of me expects this. Lord knows I've been the victim of the (perceived) BBD more times than I care to think about. (Not that many, really, I just don;t like to think about them.) I even told her I would check up with her again on Thursday (today) to make sure she was still going. She scoffed at that and repeatedly told me she was going. So part of the issue is surprise for me. I guess. And what makes it worse... I can't BLAME her. This set up/blind date she has thru a sibling COULD be good for her. She might find someone she can really click with and all that so I don't want to stand in the way of that. Yes, Virginia, there IS a schmuck.

Speaking of being stood up... I finally got to meet Melissa tonight. She was supposed to bring some friends to BW3's where I host trivia on thursday nights. I had heard that particular promise before so I wasn't surprised when I didn't notice her. I had a decent night... running out of supplies too damn fast but that's not a BAD thing. Anyway, I was leaving, stopped to talk to my regulars and congratulate my winners (pressing flesh, kissing babies, flirting and the like) and was driving home when I figured I would call Mel and give her some shit. She proceeds to tell me she is AT BW3's and had been since 7. I told her she was lying and she argued saying she played electronic trivia with her buddies. I asked her where she was at and finally narrowed it down to her being at Buffalos Southwest Grill in Argyle. At least she got one word right in the name. So anyway, I have to drive by there anyway to get home so I swung in, we chatted for a bit, I marvelled at the energy and total inability to be quiet or still and was relieved that she was not nearly the psychotic stalker chick she has come across as in the blogs and comments area of MySpace. Whew. Relieved. We might actually get around to getting that meal out of the way!! Someday. Maybe. We'll see.

But at least she DID try.

That's more than SOME people. Like this one friend who works right around the corner from me but can't spare 30 minutes to let me buy them a drink. Grrrrr. So very much annoying. Makes me sad. I like people and I like being around people. I just know I will always be the one who is pushed to the back when it comes to things.

Maybe I just don't make a strong enough impression. I am not an aggressive type. I don't believe in kissing on the first date if I have to be the one instigating. If the woman is all for it, I join right in. But I won't pounce or manipulate in order to get it. I am just not that forceful in the beginning. Granted, I AM a "Vaginal Vampire" of sorts. Once I am invited in once, I have no problem doing so again. (No blood drinking jokes, please.) I prefer the first "date" or "meeting" to be all about learning about the person. I naturally ask a LOT of questions and LISTEN to the answers. I engage the person in a dialogue as best I can. I am a talker but I try to control it. Even when I make the decision that I like this person and would really like to kiss them... I can't bring myself to "make my move" and feel this gets me stuck into a friend zone time and time again.

Add in my natural laid back attitude about some stuff and that I really don't want to be pushy and maybe it all makes sense.

Women don' mind taking advantage of me because it seems that I don't mind it either.

Or maybe it's just the types of women I meet. I know not everyone is like taht... not just in my own small world but across the gender. Lately, it just feels that way.

I'm tired of being the "buddy".

I'm tired of being the "good friend (she) can talk to about all (her) troubles but won't make out with."

I'm tired of getting STUCK in the friend zone while they all make the same mistakes OVER and OVER and OVER and OVER.

I am tired of not even being taken seriously.

Mostly, I am just tired.

Any suggestions of how I can fix this? Not the tired part, the rest of it.

Input requested!