I'm tired. Why can't I sleep?

I haven't been sleeping lately. Not a lot.
I'm not really all that busy or anything, just not sleeping.
Why can't I sleep?
When the lights go out, my mind turns up the volume WAAAY too loud.
I hear the echoes of conversations had and thoughts unexpressed.
I see faces I'm not allowed to see anymore.
I see faces I wish I could forget.
Why can't I sleep?
All the decisions that have brought me to this point taunt me.
They laugh.
They jeer.
They ridicule.
They call me names like pussy, and moron, and oblivious.
I try to argue but my mouth simply becomes a nest for more self-deprication.
How do you argue with yourself and lose?
Easy... when you know you're wrong. And I've been wrong.
Why can't I sleep?
My mind replays the past few weeks over and over again.
My abilities are put on trial.
My worthiness is cross-examined.
My self-confidence is held in contempt and my desire to convince myself otherwise is sentenced.
How has it come this far? How have I gone this low?
Why can't I sleep?
Sleep is rest. Relaxation. A reward for a hard day full of accomplishment.
Why can't I sleep?
Why SHOULD I?