In the interest of future relationships...

It as become evident that certain qualities of mine can/do become annoying over time. Sometimes it takes a few years, other times it takes only a few days, but these "quirks" of mine always seem to get in the way...
1) I talk a lot.
Wait... let me correct something real quick...
A LOT.
There, that's better.
See, I hate silences. It reminds me of being by myself and that makes me able to hear my brain yacking away so I prefer talking whenever I have someone around. That doesn't mean I never shut up... though that line from Shrek DOES come to mind... it means I prefer talking. I also tend to yammer and go off on tangents and so on. It's like my writing. Go look thru the blogs here and many of them were MEANT to be short. I start to write emails that are supposed to stay on one simply topic and, though they do stay on topic, end up being several pages long.
I know some of you out there know what I'm talking about.
So, yes, I talk. And while it's "cute" and "neat" and "cool" in the beginning to have a guy that talks about STUFF, some important, some silly and some pointless nonsense blather that makes you talking about purses seem relevant, it eventually becomes annoying. And even when I tell people to just tell me to shut up or stop talking or anything when I do go off on a rant, those same people end up getting angry at me. Why? Cause they don't want to hurt my feelings by telling me to stop talking. Instead, they'd prefer to leave me so they don't have to deal with EITHER situation. Apparently, a broken heart heals quicker than unwounded ego when someone does what I TELL them to do.
2) I like sex. I mean I REALLY like it. It's fun and I enjoy doing it. Actually, I enjoy foreplay the most. And oral. I looooove doing oral stuff. And finger stuff, that's awesome. Sex is fine and dandy but I love the other stuff more. Anyone who's been with me when I am seriously interested in them (and not during my unfortunate rebound phase from a couple years back) will know what I mean. I can sit and play with a woman's body for hours. I take a break and go right back to it. I'm not often interested in MY pleasure since I get so much from doing what I do. It gets me into trouble at times since I had gotten to the point where I saw fingering off a woman like shaking her hand. I had to work hard to break THAT particular mindset. But really, when all is said and done, I can have whole sex sessions where I never come once and look back on it as some of the best I've ever had.
Ah, sounds not so bad, right?
Here's the rub... I tend to be seen as ONLY interested in sex.
I don't get it either but just recently I was accused of only and always being interested in sex. That I wanted it all the time. Now, keep in mind that I came about 1/10th the time that she ever did but it still got to the point where she saw it as all about me.
So I've learned to include this as a list of things that are important to know about me up front. I will like having sex with you and will want to do it alot. I don't get bored easily with it and usually go out of my way to change and spice things up more for HER pleasure than my own so if you're expecting a kinky guy, that ain't me.
For more on sex, see 8.
3) I joke around a lot. I can come off as not taking too much seriously enough. In part, that's true. I don;t see why things can't be laughed at. It's called a "defense mechanism" for a REASON, folks.
Side note: the next woman who "points out" that I use humor as a "defense mechanism" as if I've never thought of that before... she's gonna get slapped. That's all I'm sayin'. WHACK!
Anywho, I can be serious and just cuz I make a joke doesn't mean I don't care of see it as serious.
True story time, kiddies... one of my fave jokes EVER was from Night Court when a doctor is looking at Bull, I think, and leans up and says "Well, his condition's stabilized." "Really?" "He's dead." I used to joke about that with my friend, Jon. Even after my dad died when I was talking to him I mentioned that joke. I was doing anything I could to find SOMETHING. That was also the day I was going by to look at my new place... I was finally moving out of my parents' and, in fact, had paid the money to do so on the day my dad died. About 90 minutes before, actually. So Jon and I went to see the new place and I ran into my soon-to-be roommate, Mike, who was a co-worker so he had heard about me dropping off my niece and nephew with their momma (also a co-worker) and asked "How's your dad?"
Without missing a beat, Jon turned to him and said "His condition has stabilized." He then looked to me and waited.
I realize the joke may have seemed awkward for Mike and all... but it helped me so damn much that day I can never repay my friend.
So yeah, I joke. I joke and try to laugh cuz when I die... I want to look back and remember that I enjoyed my time here more than regretted it.
Deal with it.
4) This joking attitude extends towards "cut downs". I make fun of myself and make fun of other people. We all do stupid things and I don't mind pointing out when people do it. INCLUDING MYSELF. I really don't mind. I may get pissy sometimes but if it's FUNNY, I'll get over it. I blame sitcoms, really, but that's beside the point. Truth is, I grew up being picked onas a kid. I have no shoulders so my head looks big. Also, my head really is big which just compounds that misconception. I had to learn to deal with it or go nuts back in grade school so I learned to deal with it.
Plus I went nuts but we won't discuss that here.
Side effect of it was that I also thought EVERYONE was the same way. I figured since it seemed we ALL did stupid stuff or had quirks then we've ALL been picked on. I also expect people to know what is and what isn't a joke. Come on, I called this one chick a cow who couldn't have weighed a buck twenty soaking ass wet and she acted like she was seriously putting on weight or something. WTF?!?!? It's all nonsense. Utter nonsense.
Yes, I've learned that people can be self-conscious or have self-esteem issues or not see themselves as I really see them but more as how I joke about them. I have tried (and made improvements) with my tendencies towards smartassness, but comments WILL come out. Either hit me back or walk away, I guess. But first, try to remember a simple fact about me: If I don't like you, I don't talk to you.
5) I like lots of movies but not EVERY movie. I like lots of music but not ALL music. Same with tv and books. I will most likely not like something you like and the inverse will probably be true as well. Whoopdee fucking doo. I don't get people who are hoping to meet someone who likes EXACTLY the same stuff. If that was the case with me, I would never have been exposed to some things, you know? I would never have heard some really great music or seen some really cool movies. Because... they weren't something I would've thought of checking out. I would've just gone on my merry way, oblivious to it. Shit, sometimes it's as simple as someone with different leanings being aware of the concert or flick because they watch different tv shows so they caught a commercial for it and mentioned it on a night we were hanging out.
I get tired, though, of people finding out I like horror movies and either a) thinking I like ONLY horror movies or b) thinking I like ALL horror movies. Neither is true.
Same goes with country music. I like OTHER stuff, too.
I've had so many people judge me based on an aspect of my taste instead of the bulk of it. I like pop music AND movies, too. I like chick flicks and ballads and hard rock and silly comedies and techno and cartoons and all sorts of stuff in between. Just cause I don't like your fave movie or book or tv show doesn't mean we don't have anything in common. Just means we don't have THAT in common. It ALSO doesn't mean I think you're stupid or that you need to see me as stupid. I personally like differences.
6) I will debate and discuss and argue. This goes back to number 1 and will include part of number 7. I enjoy conversation. Remember the talking thing? Taht goes for conversations, too. I don't mind being quiet as long as someone is talking. :o) If it's interesting, so much the better. I much prefer a DIALOGUE, though, more than a monologue. Granted, this CAN mean that at certain times, one person may end up doing more of the talking that the other.
You ever have a person ask you "How was your trip?" then later give you shit for not lett THEM speak more during your telling of the tale?
I have.
You ever have someone give you shit for THEM not talking to you even though you are always TRYING to get them to talk by asking them questions?
I have.
You know my fave? "What's on your mind?" Sometimes I use the "What's wrong?" approach if they give the impression that something is wrong. You know the usual response from those people that will eventually get mad at you for them not being able to talk to you?
That's right.
"Nothing."
It is frustrating for me to be faced with that and I will sometimes persist if I truly believe something is wrong or on your mind. So do us BOTH a favor and just ANSWER and all will be ok. If it's something you don't want to discuss, SAY that. But don't expect me to believe that you ain't thinking anything.
And yes, I am quite serious about the persistance thing.
7) I am a stubborn little SOB. I don't mind being wrong, I really don't, all I ask is taht you SHOW me I'm wrong. Prove it. Tell me. Talk to me about it and explain your side or show me the research or something. I would rather be proven wrong so I can be right from that point on than simply THINK I'm right. This, of course, tends to mean I will come off as confident (cocky?) and will not give up my POV until I am shown it's the wrong one to have.
But this stubbornness extends BEYOND just conversation. It goes for a most aspects of my life. I don't tend to back off or give up. Sorry but it's true. I will keep at something, especially if I think it's good to do so. Whether it's finding out what's wrong or getting you to quit smoking.
Yeah, about the smoking thing... i don't do it and don't hold it against you if you do though I don't think you should. If you WANT to keep smoking, then don't EVER tell me you want to quit. Ok? That just gets my motor humming and it takes a lot to make it stop. This also goes for sex... I try to keep it going as long as I can. Some people complain about that. Some don't. As long as I can take a break every now and again, we're all set for hours of fun in my mind. If you disagree, set that up in the beginning or else it's hard for me to break the habit. Speaking of habits...
8) I have one nasty habit after sex. No, I'm not talking about the urge to clean up on those occasions when I spooge. I'm talking about me saying a certain phrase over and over when I do. Sometimes even when I don't. See, I never think I do a good enough job. Regardless of the fact that I've only had two real complainers in my life (and you two know who you are!!), I still never think I've done enough.
So I say "I'm sorry." I've tried to stop or to only say it when relevant.
"Sorry I stepped on your hair."
"Sorry I bruised your thigh."
Stuff like that.
It helps sometimes but not always. The bigger the orgasm for me the more I lose control of that. A lot of this comes from my first girlfriend. She's why I had to fight my own feelings of inadequacy. She never let me think I was remotely decent at ANYTHING. And since my spooging meant sex was over (she also taught me that part about cleaning up IMMEDIATELY), whenever I did come, I would feel I had to apologize for the sex ending "too soon". Whether it WAS too soon or not. Granted, she wasn't one of those multi-orgasm chicks. We were generally lucky to get one out of her. And, no, that wasn't just ME having that issue with her, thank you very much. A lot of it was mental, sure, but I took it personally. She was my first and only frame of reference. This whole sexual self-esteem issue is probably the longest lasting part of our relationship. Remind me someday to tell you the BJ story.

That's all I got for right now. I'm sure more will come to me over the next few days.
Sorry I've been away, everyone. I've been busy.