The Three Things That Suck About "Romance"

We've all heard these. We've all seen them in others. We've all disagreed with them on occasion and agreed with them on others. And we've all, at one time or another, realized we fell into at least one of these three concepts. You may not know them by these terms or phrases but you DO know them. The 3 things that suck about "romance".

What are they?

Fine... let's talk.

1) We all want what we can't have.

I know everyone gets this one. That one cute girl you think is perfect for you but won't stop dating the "losers" long enough to realize just how great you are. That bad boy who keeps dating "sluts" and "whores" and "bitches" who just don't seem to... GET him like you do. The co-worker who won't date co-workers no matter how AWESOME the two of you would be together.

Whatever the situation, SOMETHING always gets in the way. Sometimes it's just that that person doesn't see you THAT way. Other times it's situational... married, involved, gay, out of town, whatever. Something makes it so you. just. can't. have. them. And what does this do? Just makes you want them all the more. You simply HAVE to have them and you won't be able to focus until you do.

Lord knows, there is only ONE "perfect match", right? And hell, just cause she won't take you seriously or you can't give him a pudgy is no reason for them not to at least give you a shot, eh? So why not just pine away for a lost cause.. you never know... right after his/her next BAD relationship, they might finally turn around and see you there.

Waiting.

Patiently.

With that shrine built in your head.

I've been guilty of it. I admit it. I am trying to stop it. I can at least say that now I don't waste my time with folks I CAN'T have.

Only those I had and lost.

Oh shush... at least it's progress.

2) Whoever cares the least, wins.

I hate this one. Sure, it's true and all but I still hate it. Yes, it's an offshoot of number 1 but it adds a whole new dimension to it. 1 is just about WANTING... 2 is about getting. Whoever has the upper hand in the relationship gets all the goods. The other person will do whatever it takes to keep you.

Who wouldn't like that?

I mean, to actually be the one who gets all the attention!! Wow. To be the one on the receiving end of all the apologies and tearful pleas for your time and to not have to really make compromises anymore because the other person is so.. uh... let's say "giving".

I truly believe there are Givers and Takers in the romantic world. Two Takers won't work well together in the long run but will be AWESOME in the short time they're a couple and two Givers will have some difficulty but may just be able to work thru it and if/when they do... it's pure magic. But you put a Giver and a Taker together and they're a statistic. This is the norm. Someone will always be the one feeling like they are putting the most effort into the relationship (even if it's only a mere fraction of a difference). Perception is everything.

He's just USING you!!

Dude, she walks all over you!

blah blah blah

It's crap. IF two people TRULY love each other... care for each other... RESPECT each other... then it should be ok. It shouldn't matter if that person likes you TOO much or NOT enough. And yet... we've all gone running from that person who seems to like us juuuuuuust a liiiiiiiiittle too much, too fast. Something ain't right about it. Makes us feel icky. So we back away. Suddenly, the fun we might have been having is tarnished because the other person has decided they simply MUST talk to us several times a day.

I can agree that maybe the person saying the big L word (not lesbian...damn you, Showtime!) within the first, oh, say, five dates is a too soon but just because the person calls you the day after the first date wanting to plan another... that isn't grounds for a disappearing act, is it?

That's rhetorical. After all, we all know the 3 day rule. Right up there with the 3 date rule. The guy has to play it cool to keep from looking too desperate and less manly. The woman can't look too slutty or easy. Why? Why is it SO bad to be able to decide if you like a person in THAT way AND do it THAT fast? Didn't someone once say that a woman knows within the first 15 mnutes if she will sleep with the guy? I ain't saying she should just pounce on him since this is just deciding it's an ok IDEA.. doesn't mean she should ACT on it.

But why is it ok to decide on if the other person is worth boning but NOT ok to be able to quickly tell if the person is worth DATING?

3) The transitional person.

Yeah. I said it.


THE TRANSITIONAL PERSON!!!

The guy or girl you use like water at a wine tasting... to get the taste out of your mouth.

Not literally, ya pervs!

The one who has all those qualities you wanted in the last person OR is just cute enough that you don't care what they're missing... you just want to fuck something to get your mind off of John or Jan Doe before moving onto your next bad relationship.

You know why this one sucks? Because it shows no respect to the person being USED as the Transitional Perspm. It means some guy or girl is out there under the impression they're in a REAL relationship when actually, the other is just biding their time. Sure, it can have some high points.. but it will end and end because the person who needed a Transitional Person is now bored and wants all those qualities back that s/he was rebelling against.

In other words, Steve was in a relationship with Mary and it ended shitty. Steven had to get the shittiness off so he used the TP. Now his ass is clean again.. time to get more shit on it.

******************************

So why do these three things even exist? They really don't BRING anything to romance or relationships. They are an annoyance that we are all better off without. And that's the goal, right? To be out from under these things. But it takes some hard work and effort and self-awareness. It takes a concept that is easy to say, easy to agree with, easy to consider, easy to say we DO... but damn hard to truly do.

We have to love ourselves.

We have to honestly and intently believe that we deserve more. We get what we think we deserve (that was almost number 4 ut I decided against it, btw). If we feel we deserve someone who treats us like crap, we get that. For now, though, we will LEAVE a perfectly respectful person to go get another bitch or asshole... or worse... the SAME one back.

Because it's what we DESERVE.

But if we REALLY love ourselves, we'll want more... we'll go after more... and we'll get more. We'll understand that it's better to have someone that WILL love us back and love us well more than someone who COULD maybe possibly potentially with the right backlighting love us. A little. Hopefully.

We'll understand that we deserve to get as much as give. We'll WANT someone who can match us. Compliment us. "Complete" us.

We won't need someone to get the bad taste of the ex out of our mouths and minds because we'll understand that not everyone is right for us and people can grow apart but we made a good choice for the most part and want certain of those qualities again... maybe with something different thrown in.

Just a thought.

I'd love to hear yours.

(Oh, and before anyone asks... I'm not bitter. I'm not angry upset, mad or sad. I was talking about this with someone and decided to write it out. Your thoughts and opinions would be greatly appreciated.)