Coming Home

I've been drawn back here again. A compulsion... a drive... an irresistible pull to this place. The house seems lighter than I remember. The details stand out to me so much more now. Maybe my eyes have just adjusted.
I walk up the path, careful to not stray. I see the door open and the darkness walks out. It greets me with a smile.
"Welcome home", it says as if I was expected. It puts its open arms around me, pulling me close. The icy grip feels warm against my soul. It begins to hum and sing and tell me about the plans we have for our future together.
It speaks of targets and victims; of plots and intentions; of mayhem and chaos. I remember a time when I would've argued semantics but now I just nod in agreement. Friends, plans, FUN... all these words have been drained from my vocabulary on the way back here.
It pats me on the back with such force that I am thrust towards the front door. I almost trip over the step and stumble inside.
I feel the darkness follow me in and close the door.
"It's been too long," it says as the last bit of light from outside is blocked out.
"I know," I say.
"We missed you."
I realize I don't even remember what I was before I came through that door.
I am nothing.
I am no one.
I am here because no one wants me out there.
I am alone.
I am no longer scared.
I am here because no one needs me out there.
I am home.

TEASING

Teasing.
Women are so good at it.
Why? What’s the point. A woman tells you that one of her good “guy friends” (meaning a guy who she likes but won’t DATE but might sleep with if she has nothing else to do) has a crush on her. She lets him come down and stay with her and they do all sorts of things… cuddling, going out on what are essentially ‘dates’, going to the beach and doing all sorts of things. The whole time she KNOWS he’s REALLY into her. I mean the guy will travel hundreds of miles JUST to be around her or he’ll change his schedule to match hers or drop whatever he’s doing just because she calls up crying. There’s no way she can miss the signs, right?
But does this affect HOW she acts around him?
Does she make ANY sort of change or adjustment or try to explain to him that no matter what, they are JUST FRIENDS?
If you ask HER, she’ll say yes. She has had “the talk” with the friend and explained the dynamic of the relationship.
But ask HIM. I bet you’ll get a different story.
You see, for the most part, guy friends are just waiting around. There are always exceptions to the rule but, generally speaking, if the guy is a friend with a woman he is attracted to physically (sometimes doesn’t even require that) then he is just biding his time until he can swoop in and “get ‘im some.”
This isn’t a surprise to any guy out there. We’ve all been in that position in some capacity or another, whether conscious or not. We have that one (or more) female friend that we LIKE like and WOULD date if we could. Or at least we’d love the chance to nail her. For us, it might not even change the friendship. Depends on the girl and the guy.
But girls need to be convinced to give those “friends” a chance. They’ll say things like “I don’t want to ruin the friendship” or “I love you too much to risk anything going wrong.” This means she likes you but doesn’t WANT you.
But she’ll still hang on you and tell you things and hug you and kiss you (in a friendly way, of course) and stuff. You get to be in the room while she changes or you get to see her try on outfits for her night out. You get to listen to why the OTHER guys are such jerks but you’re such a great friend. That usually happens right before she goes out and meets another “loser”.
Yeah, see, all other guys are “losers” to any guy in that situation. It REALLY stinks when it’s true but that’s neither here nor there.
So, you have this woman who is FULLY AWARE that her friend has deep feelings for her. She is ALSO aware that she doesn’t share them for whatever reason makes sense to her that day.*
But why?
What’s the point?
Does she just REALLY like the attention? Is it because the guys she DOES get wet for not show her all the OTHER forms of attention she needs? Is it because she’s just pure evil? Or just pure ignorance?
Hard to tell, huh?
A BIG problem I see in many of these situations is that a woman just doesn’t want to be confrontational. She doesn’t want to hurt the guy’s feelings (they ARE friends, after all, right?) so she avoids it. She will stop him if he ever crosses that ‘line’ but up TO that point, it’s all ok. She’ll tolerate it and let it happen. Sometimes, if she’s drunk or horny or just wanting that other sort of attention, she’ll even let him cross that line and THEN tell him it was a one time thing or whatever. I get tired of hearing women say this and guys saying they heard this.
Women need to learn how to hurt people!
I mean deliberately cause we all know women are quite adept at seriously causing damage to a guy.
They need to learn how to just TELL the guy and be FIRM and not worry if he gets hurt for a short time. It’s better than him living months or years or just DAYS thinking he has a shot. Be direct, be firm, be HONEST and just tell him that it IS just friends and then, here’s the kicker, be CONSISTENT. Don’t let it slip unless you are TRULY ready for the ramifications.
When the guy ISN’T into the woman, sure he can just bone her and go right back to laying video games with her. But I’m talking about when the guy actually “loves” her. Don’t mess with him. You can be gentle but you need to HURT him for it to get thru the thick skull.
So all you women out there… please stop that crap!!
OK?
Cool.
End of bitch session.
Have a good day.

*Yes, I know the roles can be reversed but since I am a guy, I’m telling this all from a guy POV. Deal with it.

Things that DON'T piss me off

...So I'm going to give it a try.

ahem

Things that DON'T piss me off... sorry, I mean thing I like!!

I'm shooting for fifty, again!
1. Watching a band perform, especially when they seem to really enjoy what they're doing. So far, that's the bands I've kept on here... or at least they SOUND like they like what they're doing.

2. Giving someone a gift I know they'll like without having to be TOLD they'd like it.

3. Giving someone a gift.

4. Hugs. I'm a hugging person. Can't help it.

5. Being able to just sit and doodle for hours on end.

6. When I write something that WORKS.

7. When my mama is there whenever I go over to see her. I don't know what will happen if she ever isn't.

8. Thinking about my dad.

9. Making people laugh on purpose.

10. Making people laugh even when it's not on purpose.

11. That first kiss.

12. That second and beyond kiss.

13. Being fondled... not sure why, I should probably be upset but it's nice to be noticed, I guess. Yeah, you can tell I'm a guy, right?

14. Driving through beautiful scenery.

15. Walking in the rain... I don't do this enough anymore.

16. Floating down a river.

17. Standing on a hill or mountain and just looking out.

18. Dogs. Especially Hershey.

19. Whenever a woman lets me LIKE her without having to worry if she's thinking I like her "too much". I don't get that so it's great when it isn't a concern.

20. When Michele calls me back.

21. Hanging out with my friends.

22. Looking at Jon's pictures. The guy has an eye.

23. Comics. Good comics, naturally, but really jsut comics in general.

24. Comic strips. Yes, they're different, ya bastiches!

25. When Jon actually thinks a story idea of mine is good.

26. When he come sto ME with his own to discuss. I respect the guy so it's nice to feel that reciprocated.

27. Any time someone wants to talk to me. I try to not take anyone's decision to use me as a sounding board or for ideas for granted. IF I ever have, I'm sorry.

28. Hugs.

29. Massaging a woman WITHOUT considering it foreplay.

30. Massaging when it IS foreplay.

31. Being involved in foreplay of any kind. And remember, it's only foreplay if it ends up in sex. :) That's a key point and saves me from making it a separate blip.

32. Sex. Shut up... so I did it anyway, sue me.

33. Playing pool with friends.

34. Playing DRINKING pool with friends.

35. The fact that I am one of the few people who has seen Jon drunk. (Dude, I want to go out the week of the 23rd and do my best to forget that day...you game? Anyone else?)

36. Compliments. I know I ain't the best at receiving them but I really DO like them so thanks to everyone who has ever said anything nice about me... especially TO me.

37. Separate entry for what AA and MB have said... you know who you are and what it was and that they weren't the same comment.

38. Movies... go see my fave list and come back. There you go.

39. A good night of TV.

40. A good night where I don't ever turn the TV on.

41. A good night.

42. Those days when I like my job, whatever it is.

43. A woman in glasses, sweat pants and a t-shirt with her hair pulled up in a pony tail... hubba hubba hubba.. now THAT is sexy.

44. Watermelon.

45. Finishing a long walk and only stopping because of the TIME and not because I'm tired.

46. A good crowd at trivia.

47. Helping someone celebrate an event like a birthday or a graduation or some other accomplishment.

48. Hugs. I REALLY like hugs. I could've FILLED this list with hugs and it wouldn't come close to showing how much I love hugs.

49. Late night phone calls from Cali... especially when she's not drunk.

50. The Princess Bride. Book. Movie. It gave me the one line I rememer and think of and will always love it for.

"Offer me everything I ask for."

"All that I have and more...please."

"I want my father back, you son of a bitch."

Shit that just bugs me... I'm shooting for 50:

1. That guy who is ALWAYS sleeping in the handicapped stall anytime I go to the men's room at work at lunch.

2. Speaking of bathrooms, any guy that puts his hands on his hips when he's at the urinal... STOP THAT!

3. People who DON'T call you to tell you plans are cancelled until a couple or three hours beforehand.

4. People who don't call until an HOUR OR LESS beforehand.

5. People who don't fucking call at ALL to cancel but later give YOU shit for not just assuming they cancelled when you didn't hear from them.

6. Drunk people who get mad at me for not being drunk. Sorry, buddy, but I just showed up!

7. Dog owners who don't immediately get onto their dog when it jumps up on company and that company obviously ain't too keen on it. "Oh, he just likes you." It's one thing to have a free-spirited dog...I encourage that... but it's another to not control it around company.

8. Seeing people go out of their way to run over ANY animal in the road.

9. Especially squirrels.

10. Trailers that give away KEY PLOT POINTS to a movie.

11. Trailers that don't tell you SHIT about the movie.

12. People who smile too big for EVERY picture.

13. Porn actresses who smile and look at the camera too much.

14. Any person in their thirties who gets upset when Timmy at McDonalds calls them "sir" or "ma'am" at the counter. Fuck you, you ARE old to them!!

15. Women who freak out when you ask them their age.

16. People who look at me funny when I ask what toy is in the happy meals that week. This is especially true if it's the staff.

17. The fact that I feel the need sometimes to pretend I'm buying them for "my kids".

18. People who tell me that I will meet that "certain someone" once I "stop looking for her". What the hell does that even MEAN?!!?

19. Anyone who cheated on their ex but still is sad that the relationship ended.

20. Anyone who BLAMES their ex cheating on THEM for causing them to cheat.

21. Any woman who gets upset that I actually might be dating someone else after our first "date". It reminds me of a friend's saying about jobs... "I was unemployed when I found THIS job so fuck it."

22. Movies that build towards a climax that never comes.

23. WOMEN who build towards a climax that never comes. :)

24. People who take everything I say as a criticism. Sometimes a commetn is just a comment and not a value judgment.

25. People who still think W is doing a damn fine job.

26. Anyone who instantly calls me "Bill".

27. Girls who think it's cute to call me "Willy".

28. People who cut ME off in traffic and then give ME the finger because I was, apparently, in THEIR way.

29. People who feel the need to tell me how Jesus changed their life while I'm standing in a line.

30. People who pick up a book in a book store, walk around with it and then put it back on ANY shelf they feel like.

31. Not being able to find a book I'm looking for even though inventory shows they "have one copy"... probably because of that fucker who took it on a tour.

32. Musicians who act like they're doing YOU a favor by playing for you. Shit, I show some love to that black guy at Bourbon Street playing a sax any time he does the Barney Miller theme. Why? Cause he always pauses a moment to say thanks.

33. Those plastic stickers on cds and dvds that leave some sticky residue behind so they stick to anything near them.

34. Melanie Griffith appearing in ANYTHING.

35. Anyone who tells me they didn't ask for my opinion. Fucker, I didn't ask YOU for permission to have it.

36. People with more facial piercings than I have buttons on my shirt who act insulted when you stare at them.

37. People with piercings or tattoos that get uppity whenever someone asks "Did that hurt?"

38. People that don't respond to emails or messages.

39. Guys that see a woman being passed out as an opportunity to fool around with them.

40. Women who don't see this happening as a REASON to be CAUTIOUS.

41. Women who cheat on their boyfriend or husband repeatedly who won't break it off.

42. Pretty girls who pretend to think they're ugly.

43. People who don't actually READ what I write or LISTEN to what I say but still get mad at me for what they are pretty sure I meant.

44. Women who expect a guy to go down on THEM but won't return the favor. Swallow or don't, I don't care, but don't expect ME to get a mouthful of your nether waste and not expect a little sumpin sumpin in return.

45. Guys who won't go down on a woman.

46. Women freaking out over their wedding. Sorry, but this bugs me. My personal belief is that more concern and thought should be given to the MARRIAGE than the fucking one day party.

47. People who think diamonds are rare. Wanna know why they cost so much? Ask the diamond people.

48. Anyone who lets simple words and names bother them. Sorry, I can't get too upset about someone calling me honkey or whitey or cracker and those people who know me know that I have BEEN the minority and those names weren't thrown out WITHOUT some serious anger behind them. IT wasn;t the words that bugged me, though... it was the anger.

49. Right-to-Lifers who are so stubborn they can't or won't accept that when it comes to choosing between the life of the mother and the unborn child, it should be the MOTHER. Sure, that's a personal opinion but I always lean more towards protecting the one who can always have another kid.

50. Anyone who reads all these and comes away thinking I'm just a sad, bitter person. Not true. Just a bit pissed off at someone right now and I can't lambast HER so I am venting THIS way.

Anyhwho... I got my fifty... feel free to add some here.

And go see Clerks II.. I laughed my ass off. Got to tears a couple of times. And stay thru the credits and see my name!! :) Yes, I'm a geek.

... and the American Way

Watching Superman Returns I was struck by a thought. Ok, two thoughts really.. the first one was "God, this sucks" but the one I want to talk about was inspired by a line from Perry White in the film. He wants everyone to find out where Superman went and why he's back. "Does he still stand for truth, justice... and all that other stuff?" That's how I remember it, a word or two might be wrong but the omission drove a point home for me. The line has always been "Truth, justice and the American way" but Perry makes a point to leave the third part out.

Why?

I think it's obvious.

Superman CAN'T stand for the American way anymore. If he did, he wouldn't be Superman.

Stick with me here, kiddies.

Superman comes from the 30's. He's changed over the decades but still, the IDEA comes from the 30's. A time when men WANTED to feel super and able to DO something about their lives. War, poverty, hunger, disease... all running rampant. Fear of different socio-political philosophies and the like causing concern. The general populace wasn't yet aware enough to be scared of the bomb but they understood MAN enough to be scared of him. They got the point that life was hard and, of course, fatal. Through the years Superman would be used to combat Nazis, the Japs, the Koreans, the Vietnamese (more indirectly but still), the hippie movement, any extremist way of thinking and even terrorism. But along the way he's grown from simply protecting America and its interests to defending the world (even the universe in some stories).

Some of this can be blamed on changing times and the changes those changes had on the creators. But some of it wasn't so much a change WITH the times as much as a change in RESPONSE to the times.

America isn't what it once was.

We were the land of opportunity. A place to go for jobs and a life undreamt of in your home country. Superman IS, after all, the perfect immigrant tale. But now those jobs are going to other countries to find the employees instead of the other way around. Now a company can go to Mexico or India and find all the cheap labor it wants.

We used to be the beacon of democracy. Now we can't even manage to elect our leader without incident. Americans used to respect the office of the president enough to still follow the man a majority elected. Now we can't even let it go that the man was or wasn't fairly and legally elected (yes, I'm talking W here!). Party politics makes it so we've been spending more time trying to keep each other from accomplishing anything than actually realizing what is needed for us to be prosperous again.

We used to lead the way in scientific discoveries (or at least run a close second) and scientific investment/support. Now we can't even get kids to give a shit about science beyond computer jobs.

We used to fight only when provoked and only in order to truly DEFEND something. Now we're losing too many good kids for a bullshit war we can't win because our "leadership" messed up and declared a holy war. Don't they understand we can't WIN a holy war? We won our OWN revolution by using terrorist techniques and yet our "leadership" can't figure out we're now the red coats fighting in a foreign land we CAN'T control and losing?

Yes, we're losing. For every life lost in this continued half-assed occupation is another point for THEIR team.

What are we fighting for again? Oil? Revenge for a retard's father? Faked intelligence of WMD's? Misinformation about their involvement in an actual attack on our country? Seriously, what ARE we fighting for? Knowing this would help EVERYONE understand what the NEW American way is.

Sadly, it's not something Superman can stand for.

Truth is pure and simple and noble.

Justice, in its purest form, is the same.

The American way? Doesn't really support truth and justice anymore, does it? Torturing captives. Lying to the public about what we know and when. Deliberately attacking civilian targets. "Allowing" a "fair" trial for the deposed leader (as long as he's found guilty so we can kill him).

So Perry, being the wise editor of a non-biased major metropolitan newspaper, knows that someone as heroic as Superman couldn't possibly stand for the "American way". Not how it is NOW.

Shame.

Shame we can't look to the ideals of a fictional character spawned from a 'simpler' time to help guide us back to where this country was. Shame, instead, the country has warped the character to become what he is.

Instead of having someone to look up (in the sky) to, we have made him more human. Interesting... I didn't think there WERE any more parallels to draw between Supes and Jesus but there you go.

Shame.

(Comments are always welcome. Encouraged even!!)

So on the fourth of July, while in the middle of my "People suck!" mood, I get a call from Jessica and Brillo asking if I want to do something. The movie I was watching, Click, suced so I agreed to walk out, get my money back, and head over to Jessica's apartment. Here are some pics from the night.


I like this pic of Jessica. She's not single but she SHOULD be, guys, so come on... ask her for her number!


(Just playing, Jessica. Sort of)



Here we are, leaving. At this point we are all relatively sober. I mean, THEY had been drinking but I hadn't.



We initially wanted to go bowling but then decided pool would be more fun and more condusive to drinking. This was Brillo's big idea... drinking is how you celebrate the 4th, after all! But we needed to get gas... yet ANOTHER good pic of Jessica.

She hates it, of course.



This is during the pool playing... kind of at the middle point. Brillo is pretty buzzing (obviously) and decided to use my camera to take a self-pic... in between calling boys on everyone's cell phone, that is.

Hey, guys... she's single, too!! Give her a call! Want her number?



End of the evening... a pic of Jessica and Brillo.


Decent pic.
Jessica hates it.

Having Fun Taking Pics of Bonnie

Ocean Deck, Daytona, June 30th

Due to circumstances too complicated to explain, I didn't have a ticket tot he Pepsi 400 this year but I still wanted to go down and party with Kevin, the white guy, and his brother, the non-white guy. Here are a few pics.

Ok, yes, they BOTH look white here... stupid flash. The two of them were lost in the race going on up on the TV. I was looking around at people. Kevin and I were both playing the "sneaky photographer" game. Hopefully he'll let me know where he posts HIS pics!!


This is the quintessential shot of Kevin... wearing a Jeff Gordon hat, lost in technology that looks all shiny and surrounded by beer.



This is almost as vital for knowing Kevin... he sneezes. And when he STARTS... brother, best give him 30 minutes cause he's gotta sneeze about 12-15 times! "Sneezures".



You can tell they're brothers cuz Greg loves to make fun of his older brother!



Flash issues again but this was when we were leaving Ocean Deck (nothin but old women, guys, and women WITH guys) and headed for their other favorite bar. Can't remember the name of it, unfortunately.