The Three Things That Suck About "Romance"

We've all heard these. We've all seen them in others. We've all disagreed with them on occasion and agreed with them on others. And we've all, at one time or another, realized we fell into at least one of these three concepts. You may not know them by these terms or phrases but you DO know them. The 3 things that suck about "romance".

What are they?

Fine... let's talk.

1) We all want what we can't have.

I know everyone gets this one. That one cute girl you think is perfect for you but won't stop dating the "losers" long enough to realize just how great you are. That bad boy who keeps dating "sluts" and "whores" and "bitches" who just don't seem to... GET him like you do. The co-worker who won't date co-workers no matter how AWESOME the two of you would be together.

Whatever the situation, SOMETHING always gets in the way. Sometimes it's just that that person doesn't see you THAT way. Other times it's situational... married, involved, gay, out of town, whatever. Something makes it so you. just. can't. have. them. And what does this do? Just makes you want them all the more. You simply HAVE to have them and you won't be able to focus until you do.

Lord knows, there is only ONE "perfect match", right? And hell, just cause she won't take you seriously or you can't give him a pudgy is no reason for them not to at least give you a shot, eh? So why not just pine away for a lost cause.. you never know... right after his/her next BAD relationship, they might finally turn around and see you there.

Waiting.

Patiently.

With that shrine built in your head.

I've been guilty of it. I admit it. I am trying to stop it. I can at least say that now I don't waste my time with folks I CAN'T have.

Only those I had and lost.

Oh shush... at least it's progress.

2) Whoever cares the least, wins.

I hate this one. Sure, it's true and all but I still hate it. Yes, it's an offshoot of number 1 but it adds a whole new dimension to it. 1 is just about WANTING... 2 is about getting. Whoever has the upper hand in the relationship gets all the goods. The other person will do whatever it takes to keep you.

Who wouldn't like that?

I mean, to actually be the one who gets all the attention!! Wow. To be the one on the receiving end of all the apologies and tearful pleas for your time and to not have to really make compromises anymore because the other person is so.. uh... let's say "giving".

I truly believe there are Givers and Takers in the romantic world. Two Takers won't work well together in the long run but will be AWESOME in the short time they're a couple and two Givers will have some difficulty but may just be able to work thru it and if/when they do... it's pure magic. But you put a Giver and a Taker together and they're a statistic. This is the norm. Someone will always be the one feeling like they are putting the most effort into the relationship (even if it's only a mere fraction of a difference). Perception is everything.

He's just USING you!!

Dude, she walks all over you!

blah blah blah

It's crap. IF two people TRULY love each other... care for each other... RESPECT each other... then it should be ok. It shouldn't matter if that person likes you TOO much or NOT enough. And yet... we've all gone running from that person who seems to like us juuuuuuust a liiiiiiiiittle too much, too fast. Something ain't right about it. Makes us feel icky. So we back away. Suddenly, the fun we might have been having is tarnished because the other person has decided they simply MUST talk to us several times a day.

I can agree that maybe the person saying the big L word (not lesbian...damn you, Showtime!) within the first, oh, say, five dates is a too soon but just because the person calls you the day after the first date wanting to plan another... that isn't grounds for a disappearing act, is it?

That's rhetorical. After all, we all know the 3 day rule. Right up there with the 3 date rule. The guy has to play it cool to keep from looking too desperate and less manly. The woman can't look too slutty or easy. Why? Why is it SO bad to be able to decide if you like a person in THAT way AND do it THAT fast? Didn't someone once say that a woman knows within the first 15 mnutes if she will sleep with the guy? I ain't saying she should just pounce on him since this is just deciding it's an ok IDEA.. doesn't mean she should ACT on it.

But why is it ok to decide on if the other person is worth boning but NOT ok to be able to quickly tell if the person is worth DATING?

3) The transitional person.

Yeah. I said it.


THE TRANSITIONAL PERSON!!!

The guy or girl you use like water at a wine tasting... to get the taste out of your mouth.

Not literally, ya pervs!

The one who has all those qualities you wanted in the last person OR is just cute enough that you don't care what they're missing... you just want to fuck something to get your mind off of John or Jan Doe before moving onto your next bad relationship.

You know why this one sucks? Because it shows no respect to the person being USED as the Transitional Perspm. It means some guy or girl is out there under the impression they're in a REAL relationship when actually, the other is just biding their time. Sure, it can have some high points.. but it will end and end because the person who needed a Transitional Person is now bored and wants all those qualities back that s/he was rebelling against.

In other words, Steve was in a relationship with Mary and it ended shitty. Steven had to get the shittiness off so he used the TP. Now his ass is clean again.. time to get more shit on it.

******************************

So why do these three things even exist? They really don't BRING anything to romance or relationships. They are an annoyance that we are all better off without. And that's the goal, right? To be out from under these things. But it takes some hard work and effort and self-awareness. It takes a concept that is easy to say, easy to agree with, easy to consider, easy to say we DO... but damn hard to truly do.

We have to love ourselves.

We have to honestly and intently believe that we deserve more. We get what we think we deserve (that was almost number 4 ut I decided against it, btw). If we feel we deserve someone who treats us like crap, we get that. For now, though, we will LEAVE a perfectly respectful person to go get another bitch or asshole... or worse... the SAME one back.

Because it's what we DESERVE.

But if we REALLY love ourselves, we'll want more... we'll go after more... and we'll get more. We'll understand that it's better to have someone that WILL love us back and love us well more than someone who COULD maybe possibly potentially with the right backlighting love us. A little. Hopefully.

We'll understand that we deserve to get as much as give. We'll WANT someone who can match us. Compliment us. "Complete" us.

We won't need someone to get the bad taste of the ex out of our mouths and minds because we'll understand that not everyone is right for us and people can grow apart but we made a good choice for the most part and want certain of those qualities again... maybe with something different thrown in.

Just a thought.

I'd love to hear yours.

(Oh, and before anyone asks... I'm not bitter. I'm not angry upset, mad or sad. I was talking about this with someone and decided to write it out. Your thoughts and opinions would be greatly appreciated.)

Awwwww... memories

Here it is, one week since I turned 34 and I was thinking back to my 14th birthday. We were on Guam and I as about to start school at a private, BAPTIST school. Apparently mama was worried about me going back to public school there.

Probably because they sucked and the locals really hated white kids.

Anyway, as I was leaving the bathroom my dad comes up to me a couple of days before my birthday and kind of squares off in front of me, blocking me from going around him.

"So, son, what do you want for your birthday?" he asked, a smile on his face that went all the way up until his eyes were all crinkly.

"Uh, gee, um," I stammered. I was caught off guard since Mama was the one who usually handled such things. Dad was the one who would see something he thought was just cool looking and buy it. This was how I got so man of the comics with the shiny and die cut covers or dolls that did the neat stuff... even though they weren't series or characters I followed or cared about. "I don't really care, Dad. Whatever you get me would be great."

This was a true statement. I love free shit. Always have. But Dad didn;t seem to like the answer. He reached up and slapped my face. Not too hard but enough to make my head move, impressive for a guy that barely weighed a hundred pounds but was 7 inches taller than me.

"What do you want?" he asked again, still smiling.

"I said I don't care," I said while rubbing my cheek.

SLAP! This time he hit me a little harder.

"What do you want for your birthday?" The smile was still there but it didn't extend up to his eyes anymore.

"Ow!" I exclaimed. I was in shock. Dad never, ever hit. That was mom's job. I tried to get around him but he moved to block me. "Damn it, I'm serious! It isn't that important! Just get me whatever you want!"

I was breathing heavy and my cheek was still stinging no matter how much I rubbed it. I tried to fake him out in my best impression of a football player but he wouldn't fall for it. He looked me in the eye and POW!... he punched me in the stomach.

"Oof," was all I could manage as the air left my lungs. I doubled over slightly and looked back up.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

"I want you to quit fucking hitting me, damn it!!!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

My dad turned and started to walk away before stopping and looking back.

"Happy birthday," he said with that smile back on his face.



And people wonder why I am the way I am.

So... what did YOU do today?

For those curious about what type of stuff I have to deal with at my day job, here you go:

To Whom It May Concern:

This is regarding a pass policy (*******) that I had
With your company I am very concern about this matter you are charging me for a period of not used.
I stop my policy with your company on June 12, 2006 I stared a new policy with ***** insurance I mail you a sing letter saying that I wanted to determinate the policy with your company for this reason I think I don’t old no money to your company I want you to check the status of this matter and resolve I will not pay any money that I know I don’t old. Thank you for the time I used your services.
Check on your documents when I send you the sing letter of termination of policy is not on the day you are putting in this letter I know it shoulding be no charge.
Thank you, you’re sincerely Asenio *******

Amazingly, only his name and the word “shoulding” trigger spell check.
So I ask you, should I reply to this as I normally would or should I match his “style”?

My Birthday Weekend Part III

Saturday Evening

Ok, where was I? Oh, right. I went to the beach in the morning and played in the water a LOOOOOONG time after Jessica got stung by a jellyfish. We got some Wendy's on the way home and split up. She had to go out with her "boyfriend" (even though she fought with him on the phone the moment he called) while I went home to nap and relax.

I had made plans to meet up with whoever wnated to at Mellow Mushroom at 8 since we dind't need to be at Crazy 88's Dueling Piano Bar until 9. I figured an hour would be plenty of time to snack and walk about 100 feet to the place. And Bonnie agreed to come out and hang once her ride for the night cancelled so she drove herself.

But remember those storm clouds? Yeah, well they hit. They hit like a mutha fucka!! It was STORMING!!! Thankfully it slowed down JUST long enough for me to get from my car into MM. I got there and Bonnie and I sat down. I joked with the waitress (anyone who has been out with me knows what that means) and she seemed like she was going to be a cool chick. Bonnie reminded me that the present she had gotten for me had gotten soaked when she left her windows down the LAST time it had stormed... this meant no presents at all. I'm ok with that but still... kind of a bummer with how everything was shaping up. And it's one thing to not get presents... especailly when I tell people not to. It's another to have HAD a present and have it get ruined.

Anyway, dinner is going well and we're having fun chatting. This means Bonnie isn't getting mad at me for something. Those are always good conversations. :) But the food is taking a while to come out. Bonnie decides she wants dessert and since she's paying for diner, I am not going to tell her no. So we order a brownie thinking we have time since the others hadn't gotten there yet. So, of course, they show up at Crazy 88's when the brownie is ordered.

Now, Misty and Cali were coming and they are NEVER on time. Even my friend Amy had called and made it sound like it would be 930 before they got there. But oh no... I was the last one over there. Sorry, guys.

Anywho... first we actually have to GET our brownie. And it's taking a LONG time. So long I actually got up to find her in order to cancel the order and get our check. It was then I saw that they were making it. Well, putting it onto a plate with a bunch of ice cream and whipped cream.

We got the brownie, asked for the check (well, Bonnie did... and verbally cut the waitress at the knees!!) and ate the brownie. Bonnie paid, we got up and headed over. The rain had stopped again so that was cool. We get in and make the introductions and all is going well.

Me. Bonnie. Misty. Cali. Amy and Amy's fiance, after a fashion, Rick. Decent guy... seemed a bit out of sorts though. I was just glad another guy showed up. Like I've said before... I have a lot of female friends. I just get along better with women, I guess.

Plus, they're soft and smooth... those are two good traits. But not in guys.

So we're hanigng out, chatting and enjoying the music. Then it starts.

Amy isn't drinking. Rick isn't drinking. Misty isn't drinking (diet). Bonnie isn't drinking more than one because she has to drive all the way back to the beaches. Cali only wants one drink because of the storm.

Yay, me. I'm the only one wanting to drink. After all... that WAS the point of coming to a bar.

So I convince Bonnie to drink one (her first round was a water). And Cali agrees to a second beer. Then a third. Then a fourth (the storm had passed, dammit!). So it wasn;t as bad as I dreaded.

Oh, but what's the point of being at a piano bar on or around your birthday if you don't get drug up and made a fool of, you ask? Didn't I, myself, the birthday boy get such a priviledge?

Ahem.

Hell no!

I made that QUITE clear going in that they would NOT tell ANYONE it was my birthday. I have done that sort of thing before... didn't enjoy it. Don't wanna do it again.

But Misty and Amy and Cali all questioned my stubborn stance on the issue. Amy even jokingly went up and made it look like she was doing something. I told her I WOULD walk out the door if my name got called. (like I said... bad experiences). Those three again questioned... especially Misty. So when Amy had to leave early (or was it Rick.. doesn't matter, still meant Amy had to leave... and before I got the camera out too!!), I gave her $5 and told her that Misty had just graduated from college... even made the Dean's List on her final term!!! (Congratulations, Misty!!!)

And, of course, Misty has NO problem with ME getting up on the pianos. Then they announced that they had someone in the audience who had just graduated and made the dean's list.

I haven't seen THAT dirty a look on her face in a long damn time.

Then they called her name.

And I giggled and pushed her out there.

I'll post a separate blog about what happened once I can get the pics uploaded but let me just say she came off the floor with an understanding of my position.

But I still had Cali. And Jessica had checked in after her "date: and wnated to know who was there. I told her and told her to come!! She himhawed about but finally agreed and came up. When she came in, I met her at the bar which was across from where we all were. I told her to go up and put in Cali's name but make everyone think she was putting MY name in. Cali just got a new job, I said. :)

Yeah, I know... I showed a HELLUVA lot of trust in both of them. They could have EASILY f#cked me over and put MY name in but they didn't. They're good people.

Again, I got to see a REALLY nasty look from someone... this time from Cali (who is a model and loves to do karaoke... and gave me grief about not wanting to go up there). Misty just giggled and helped push her out there.

I'll get those pics up, too, along with an explanation but, yep, she came back to me and wanted to hurt me. Although... come to think about it... Cali acted like she hated me most of the night anyway. :(

So the night kept on trucking along... good fun... good drinks (for me) and good friends. I loved it and love them all. Thanks for coming out everyone!!

You, too, Rick.

Next up... Sunday!

My Birthday Weekend Part II - Saturday Morning

Saturday Morning.

Saturday, we had a plan. We were going to go to Ginny Springs and relax before coming back, relaxing and then heading separate ways. JEssica would go for her date with her boyfriend and I would get ready for dinner and Crazy 88's, the dueling piano bar. We would get up early, head to the springs and just chill.

Problem number 1: We woke up REALLY late. So late that by the time we would've gotten to the springs, we could float for all of an hour before having to head back. That would be about 3.5 hours driving for 1 hour relaxing. Blech. So we went to the beach instead... the weather was fine at that point so it was a good compromise.

Went to the beach, took some chairs, found a good spot... the waves weren't that big so tht kept those annoying beach pests... i mean, surfers away for the most part. We could go out in the water and just float or swim and not worry about some arrogant prick coming thru on his big wooden plank and then getting all pissy that we were in "HIS way".

Yes, I hate that crap. Like bikers who feel it's fine for them to race up the side lane on the Buckman. If I didn't like my car door so much I'd fling that fucker open! It's not bikers or surfers that bug me, it's the ARROGANT ones that bug me so don't comment on me hating ALL of them.

Anywho, so there we were swimming about and playing around and floating having a grand old time. There was a cute woman laying out back near our spot so I ahd THAT to look forward to but it had been too long since i had been in the water so I was eating that crap up.

Even though the Jax Beach water looks like wet dirt.

Then it happened. during a shove fight with Jessica she moved back... and SCREAMED. Not a "HEY, YOUA SS!! DON'T PUSH ME!" sort of scream. More a "HOLY FUCKING HELL MY LEG IS ON FIRE!!!" kind.

See, Jessica is scared of sharks. That trip to the pier sure didn't help where she saw all the fishermen catching little sharks. You know, the ones that CAN swim all the way up to the shore if they wanted. My mind, of course, went right to "SHARK BITE!!"

No.

Nothing that severe.

It was a jelly fish.

She got stung by a jelly fish and proceeeded to hobble/swim back to shore. By the time we both got back up, it had started to really turn bright pink and swell slightly. The cute chick nearby kept looking over and finally decided to chime in with her OWN jellyfish story (it hurt like hell, she got a salve from a lifeguard and doesn't really go in the water much anymore). Since the waves were so weak, we didn't have any lifeguards close by and Jess, the toughy, didn't want to walk to one.

I offered to go get it and she refused, choosing instead to ride out the pain. Thankfully, a lifeguard truck came by for Jessica to stop and get some stuff from. It seemed to help and she's doing fine now, I believe.

Needless to say but i'll say it anyway, she didn't want to go back out in the water. While she stayed up on shore, soaking up rays, I went abck into the water and played by myself for a half hour or so. Clouds started to build up so I came back up and she was ready to leave. We grabbed some lunch on the way home and split up so she could relax and change and I could go home and nap before my big night.

to be continued....

My Birthday Weekend Part I - Friday

Ok, my birthday celebration TECHNICALLY started ON my birthday (Friday, August 11th). My friend Jessica came and got me and we went out to eat at Sneakers and go see Johnny A and Eric Johnson at Freebird Café. We had heard several folks (like Kevin) talk positively about him but we hadnt heard anything ourselves. The tix were like $20 a piece AND she was buying me dinner so I felt obligated to enjoy myself. {:o)

Anywho, we had agreed on Sneakers cuz it was close by and because I wasnt in the mood for Campeche Bay, having just done that for someone ELSES birthday bash less than a week prior.

Sneakers I have been there before and enjoyed decent food with decent service. THIS time, however? Well, I am sure the food tasted good when it was fresh but I cant swear to it sine it took so long for the server to bring it to us. Seems he was more interested in any table that had young girls at it with cleavage showing. I cant really argue against that but then I aint a server! Not that thats the reason Im just saying.

Anywho so after stuffing ourselves on nachos, our main dishes arrived and we had to wait a bit to finally get the boxes and check so we could get out of there. We saw a line outside Freebirds and were worried it was going to sell out.

We neednt have worried but thats beside the point.

The point was, the service at Sneakers sucked and I aint going back.

SO b-day off to a great start.

Anywho, we get into the Freebirds well, to the will call line and we notice an odd thing for us. Normally, Jessica IS the average age or raises it slightly when we go there. This time, I was lowering it. I havent seen that many old f#ckers in one spot since Bike Week. This was NOT a good sign for us. When you want to go and rock out on your b-day, being surrounded by folks who look like they pay WAY too much attention to incontinence commercials isnt a good thing.

We made a deal at that point (after deciding NOT to try and sell the tix to someone else had it been sold out, we couldve, darn it!) the deal was that if either one of us was broed, we would leave and find something else to do. But Iknew I wouldnt do that. SHE paid for it so I would let HER decide when to lave.

We made it through, I think, maybe half of Johnny As set. The guy is a VERY talented musician and if he ever comes to Fuel or some other smaller venue with couches and stuff, I would love to go see him again.

But not on my birthday.

And not having to stand.

Anywho all in all I still had a lot of fun. It was nice to be able to hang out with a good friend on my birthday.

Thanks, Jessica!

More to come.

Birthday Revelations

Ok, yes, it's my birthday today (yay, me) and I have some stuff planned. Fingers crossed that everything goes according to "plan" tonite and tomorrow.

But that's not what this bloggy thing is about today. Today I will go over the various thoughts I've had today. Certain realizations that hit me after waking up. I am not editing any of these thoughts and for those of you who remember, I have a rule here... NO JUDGING!!

I am pretty sure when I meet the one woman in the world who ISN'T in some way insane, I will accidentally hit her with my car.

I try really hard to NOT let myself be set up for disappointment and it never works. Maybe I should stop trying. That, or just get used to disappointment.

Is it possible to like people but not like people at the same time? How can I be so social and yet not want to be around people?

Is it possible to NOT think about sex?

When did my favorite sound in the world become that sound gum makes when it squeaks on your teeth while you chew it?

I don't have many guy friends.

I can still see the look on the face of that mole I had to finish off after Hershey didn't fully snap its neck. And I still hear the sounds it made.

Mercy is for the weak. We do not train to be merciful here.

My mama loves me so I can't be TOO bad.

Mama also thinks I'm an asshole so I guess it's a toss up.

I don't think my dad knew how much I loved him and that still eats at me ten years later.

My brother is a loser. What do you do when someone you idolized growing up turns out to be a piece of crap?

I want kids just to see if I would be a good father.

I really hope it doesn't rain tomorrow.

I hope the piano players are good at Crazy 88's.

I really should be more focused on working right now.



Anywho... thanks to one and all who have wished me a happy birthday... hope to see you all soon.

Talk to you later.

Bonnie's Pre-Birthday Bash!

So, Monday night a few folks got together to celebrate onnie's birthday EARLY (since it was't until Tuesday). We met up at Campeche Bay... I was on time, of course. Bonnie got started right away with the margaritas!!

See there? Bonnie sure does love her some margaritas.


Why, it was hard to get her to stop drinking long enough to talk!


Anywho, we leave there to go get cigarettes. I was the only NON smoker of the bunch.



See, you should recognize Bonnie... she's smoking the cigarette she has to smoke for the trip to go get MORE cigs. Carla is the other chick (another co-worker with me, Bonnie's good bud) and the guy in the white shirt with no hair is Carla's friend, Adam. We didn't really get along, apparently. Who knew?



We went to Lynch's at the beaches... Little Green Men were playing, Bonnie really liked the bass player apparently. Carla wasn't drinking at all (good ol DD for Bonnie!) so she's laughing cause she's having fun!
That and bonnie was plain silly.





Anywho, that's all the pics I got... I was a little too drunk to kep worrying about pics. I have a vid to post on my MySpace but it's pretty dark so you probably shouldn't bother looking for it.

I hope to get some pics from Bonnie to add to this.

Anyone want a new kitten?